Heathens

Discussion in 'Private Roleplay' started by Dieter Kohler, Jan 3, 2018.

  1. Dieter Kohler

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    Dieter blinked at her, smirking a little when she was finished for lack of a more appropriate response. "Yeah. Damn, Vi. Guess you're not all that naive, after all. Guess you just wear nihilism better than the rest of us."

    He'd hoped that the dark attempt at humor would at the very least have lightened his mood, but the comment wasn't so easy to blow off. "Did you have someone - er - people before? Not throwaway postings on shit crews - people who have a damn. How long have you been on your own?"
     
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  2. Violet

    Violet Mackenzie

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    Violet managed a small laugh at the question. It was a sore subject for her, one that she didn't find herself talking about very often with anyone. Her hands idly trailed over the railing in front of her, turning her gaze back down to the belters below. The last thing she wanted to do was scare off the best chance she'd had at a decent life in years.

    She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling sharply.

    "I uh... nae. I cannae remember the last time I had a half-decent crew... let alone people like you and Keith."
    She leaned forward, resting her chin on top of her forearm.

    "I've always jus' made the most of what I had. So..." She shrugged her slender shoulders. "It's nae so bad though... I've gotten to see a lot of different places, fly on different ships..."

    After a moment's pause, she looked back to Dieter with a warm smile. "What about you, Dee? Always been on your own?"
     
  3. Dieter Kohler

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    Dieter nodded, didn't press the issue, despite the fact that he wasn't sure he believed her. No person was an island. He didn't quite buy that Violet's personal life had been a social black hole from the moment she flew the nest to the moment they stole a ship together. It seemed far more likely that there was something she wasn't interested in sharing. That was fine by him. There was plenty he didn't feel like sharing, either.

    Not everything was off-limits, though.

    "No," he answered honestly. "Not really. Gaps, sure, but there's almost always an anchor somewhere. I'm not the loner-type, I guess. Just learned how to let go when it's time, you know?"

    He made a face at that, because there was a very good chance that she didn't know, and an even better chance that she might take it personally.
     
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  4. Violet

    Violet Mackenzie

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    She chuckled softly and leaned back, propping herself up on her elbows. Her feet idly kicked back and forth as she turned her attention up towards the display screen in front of them.

    A strange feeling twisted in her gut.

    If she was honest with herself, she hadn't let anyone else get close to her after her parents had left her on Callisto. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but putting her full trust in people just wasn't something she let herself do anymore. She also knew that she would never be able to really relate with most other people.

    She chewed her bottom lip for a few moments, pulling one leg back onto the platform and bent it at the knee so that her boot was pressed against the metal floor. Part of her wondered what it would be like to live a life like that. Her fingers idly tracing over the still stinging tattoo on her forearm.

    "Oh aye? Guess you're braver than I am."
     
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  5. Dieter Kohler

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    Watching her fingertips brush over her tattoo reminded him of the discomfort radiating from his own, but the timing of the return of the sensation almost made it feel eerily like Violet was the direct source.

    "Or the opposite," he pointed out. "Maybe it makes me a big, clingy baby."

    He beamed comically at her, but there might have been something to that. For an independent security contractor, he'd never been all that independent. There was always something keeping him tethered - a friend, the promise of a pay bump or a promotion, more often than not, a female. Now that he thought about it, Dieter wasn't sure how one was supposed to go about living that kind of life.

    "What..." he pulled up his sleeve and indicated his own tattoo - the wild, impulsive link they'd decided to create out of thin air, after having such small, sudden roles in one another's lives. "What makes you feel like this time will be any different?"

    Oof. Had he really just asked that out loud, to her? Maybe it was a question better suited for himself - posed to the ceiling of his bunk and a fun-sized bottle of tequila.
     
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  6. Violet

    Violet Mackenzie

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    She sat back up as he gestured to the tattoo, reaching out to lightly trail her fingers across the raised, red skin on his arm. The touch was delicate, not wanting to hurt him or cause any sort of discomfort. Why had she gone through with it? Her teeth pulled at her bottom lip and then she looked up at him.

    Internally, she grappled with telling him the truth or not.

    It was a heavy question. One she wasn't entirely sure that she was prepared to answer out loud. The drugs and the alcohol gave her more courage than she would have normally had.

    "Well... I dinnae want to be on my own anymore. Not after these past few weeks, y'ken? That and you're like the only person in the system that'd agree to steal a tugboat with a complete stranger. Like I said earlier... I'm glad you're here."
    She gave a small shrug of her shoulders, quirking her mouth to the side and she pulled her hand back.

    "What about you? Is all this jus' business as usual?"
    It was only fair that she turn the question back on him.
     
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  7. Dieter Kohler

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    Normally, touching a fresh tattoo was a good way to earn a freshly broken face, but Dieter didn't think twice when the redhead reached for him, somehow certain she'd avoid hurting him beyond the soft raw surface tingle her fingertips left in their wake. He met her eyes, offering what he hoped was a relatively pleasant, supportive expression when she hesitated.

    "To be fair, I think there were some extenuating circumstances," he laughed, when she brought up the theft of their original escape craft, but he smiled with all of his trademark social discomfort when she repeated how happy she was to have him around.

    "Oh. Definitely," he looked over and tried to look as somber as possible. "This is like an average week for me."
     
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  8. Violet

    Violet Mackenzie

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    That response quickly caused Violet to clam up. Her hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket and she looked down at her lap. It had been a stinging retort. She didn't think that it had been intentional, but that didn't lessen the result. She chewed the inside of her cheek, internally cursing at herself for being foolish.

    Shaking her head, she forced a smile and gave a reluctant laugh.

    The expression was one she had donned more times than she could count throughout her life.

    Her position shifted on the floor and she pressed her lips together. She tried to think of a way to wriggle her way out of the situation, but she couldn't figure out how. She just settled for digging a bottle of pills out of the pocket of the jacket and she twisted the top off, tapping a few of the pills into her palm.

    "Heh."
     
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  9. Dieter Kohler

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    Shit.

    Dieter had been on Violet's end of this emotional lockdown enough times to recognize when it happened. He'd been joking, but he'd pushed it. Opening up clearly wasn't something that came easily to her, nor to him, and he'd made light of whatever hint of a connection they'd forged at what felt like the worst possible moment.

    "Vi, I wasn't..."

    Nah. Save it. You're making it worse. Dieter sighed, scratched idly at his forehead, then after deciding he'd sat silently long enough to make things awkward, he set to gathering up their noodle boxes and utensils, putting them all in one neat stack that he rotated slowly in his hands. If that action hadn't said it clearly enough, he vocalized it.

    "What do you say we call it a night?"
     
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  10. Violet

    Violet Mackenzie

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    She tossed the pills into her mouth and quickly swallowed them with a slight grimace. The medication wasn't necessary, her side wasn't hurting enough to warrant taking the pills, but it gave her something to do. It helped her hide the crestfallen expression in her eyes. She had taken a small risk in opening up to Dieter, and it had gone about as well as she should have expected it to.

    Was it really a surprise that she didn't have... what had he call it? An anchor?

    She screwed the top back onto the bottle of pills, then stuffed it into his jacket that she was still wearing. Embarrassment colored her cheeks and she avoided looking up at him. This was exactly why she kept to herself and machines. People were unpredictable and things never seemed to go right.

    Already, the extra pills that she had taken were starting to catch up with her. Maybe it would be enough so that she wouldn't have to remember the night. She sniffed once and pulled her arms free from his jacket, handing it back to him with a smile. The expression just came naturally to her when she was upset.

    Fake it, till you make it.

    "Aye, not a bad idea. Y'are closer to th'docks here. I should get back to th'hospital before they give my bed away." She muttered to him, spinning on her heel to walk off unless he stopped her.
     
  11. Dieter Kohler

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    Dieter watched his mistake unfold in real time, frozen by a combination of guilt, stubbornness and lack of solutions. He swallowed something in his throat when she tried to hand the jacket back. He shook his head, pushing it back at her.

    "Keep it. You're...not coming back to the Albatross?" He grimaced, scrambling to his feet and catching her by the elbow. "You should. We'll take care of you. They're just bleeding you for more cash by making you stay."

    He wasn't at all sure about that, but the idea of giving up the inciting incident of the entire night bothered him. It felt like reversing the escape erased everything - apart from the ink of their arms.
     
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  12. Violet

    Violet Mackenzie

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    When he pushed the jacket back towards her, she blinked down at him, thoroughly confused. It felt similar to whiplash, or like that nauseated feeling you get when coming off the Juice and a hard burn. One moment he was flippant and almost dismissive, the next he seemed sincere. How was she supposed to figure out what the hell he was thinking?

    She cautiously slipped the jacket back over her shoulders, but she didn't slide her arms through the sleeves. The weight of it felt comforting and the warmth was somewhat soothing. She couldn't help but be a little pleased that he'd refused to take it back, a brief and more genuine smile flickered across her features.

    His hand grabbed her elbow just as he scrambled up to his feet. She bit at her bottom lip, glancing down at his hold on her arm and then back up to his face. It wasn't painful, but the twisting sensation in her chest could almost count as such. He just didn't want her to walk off and leave things in such a bad state. Him declaring that they would take care of her brought tears to her eyes and she had to look away from him.

    Her free hand reached up to brush at her eyes, giving a choked laugh. A strange maelstrom of conflicting and confusing emotions. The drugs were certainly not helping with that.

    "Alright, alright. I'll come home, Dee."
     
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